3 kgs down this round and I am really proud - there has been the odd slip up but really only the 4 days away last week that I let the inner voice convince me to eat extra.
I was at a workshop that went for 2 full days and was all at the hotel I stayed in. The first day was fine, flew down chose a healthy meal at the airport for lunch and at an Italian restaurant chose the only healthy thing on the menu - grilled octopus and caprese salad. The next morning after a run in the freezing cold Canberra weather, at the all you can eat breakfast buffet I ordered a custom made vegetarian omelette and had with a macchiato and one slice of whole grain bread. Morning tea, nothing healthy on offer, had a cup of tea. Lunch I had a wrap - probably not that healthy but portion controlled it. Afternoon tea I think I skipped again. Then dinner... I was starving, it was at 7 pm an hr after I normally eat.. and Italian again, but this time it was a platter arrangement, I started off ok but with little in the way of vegies on offer I definitely overate - not uncomfortably but ate another piece of steak which I knew was well over my 300 calorie limit! Two glasses of wine I enjoyed and I chose them without giving in.
I think it is whether or not it is your choice or you give in to those inner voices telling you to have some more, go on you deserve it, you have been working so hard... its a slippery slope, breakfast the next day was not terrible but not as healthy a choice, I was tired and didn't want to wait around for the omelette so grab some baked beans, scrambled eggs and then because it was there some bacon. Then morning tea I was starving so had a scone with cream and jam, lunch went back for a third mini baguette and then had two melting moments for dinner. Dinner then after a late flight was about 9 pm - I chose my dinner reasonably well given the menu, grilled chicken and veggies, but didn't get them to hold the mash, then for some inexplicable reason I ordered a cheesecake?? What the? I don't ever get dessert - I put it down to a few things - one, no healthy snacks, usually I would have something in my handbag so that I can eat the right thing even if nothing healthy is on offer; two, not enough water over the 4 days away and being in constant heating was dehydrated and this transferred in my mind to hunger; three, once you start eating sugary crap you crave it!
So that lesson learnt, I am forewarned for next time - get thee to a corner shop somewhere and get some fruit and some rice cakes or something! Make sure I drink plenty of water! And somehow try to get some sleep in the motel room!
Back home, back on the plan and all is well, lost 0.5 kg since Friday and didn't put on anything in the 4 days that I was away so having the rest of the fortnight focused on the plan obviously balanced it out. But still the battle is ever present, I have been doing this a long long time and tonight had an argument with myself as to whether I be a bit weird and take a packed lunch to the trade show I am going to tomorrow or just "choose something healthy", proudly unfocussed me won this battle - weird but on track wins the day as last week's escapades show the perils of convincing yourself that you can "choose something healthy" all the time.
But has me wondering - will the battle ever be won, will it really become second nature to choose well or will it always be a conscious decision, having to battle it out with myself constantly about this verse that every meal/snack time. Maybe it will, I gave up smoking almost 5 yrs ago and never have the slightest desire to smoke again. I hope so, I am happiest when I eat healthy but the mind struggle is pretty tiring over such a long time.
2.6 kg off my goal of 84 kg by 17 June. Two at home weeks and one red flag week - 1 kg a week definitely doable, just need to apply the lessons from the last trip and keep focused!
Wednesday 29 May 2013
Thursday 16 May 2013
30 kgs down!
Pretty excited, last night realised I was 0.4 kg off losing 30kg, I jumped on the scales this morning and weighed in at 87.1 kg - that's 30.4 kg gone from my starting weight! Incredible, something like that seemed unattainable 18 months ago. I am proud of myself and also acutely aware that this isn't something I have done on my own, I had my awesome weight watchers leader and group initially, lots of inspiring stories from my friends and those in magazines and online to spur me on, the support of the 12wbt program to get me out of the funk that I was in after losing the first 13 kg. Mostly though it is my awesome husband support of the whole thing - sure he might still bring home KFC for him and the kids but he has been there the whole way cheering me on and pointing out that eating that icecream isn't really going to help me achieve my goals. He hates doing the dishes but will do them on gym night to make sure I don't put off heading to the gym, he puts up with meals that really don't excite him without much complaint and puts my working out as a top priority on weekends. But mostly, he is really proud of me and loves me - he always has been proud of me, no matter what size I am and that is what helps the most, his love helps me, love me and be proud of who I am and how hard I have worked through the challenges to get to this point.
I will have to go look up what I had put as a 30 kg reward... possibly nothing as I would've thought that was a long way down the track at the time. My goal for this 12wbt is to get under 80 kgs - then I'll only have 15 kgs until goal. Seems pretty achievable now.
I have some things to work on - particularly getting to be early, seems to be a bit of a challenge for me and just getting on with my workouts, I don't skip them but I do still procrastinate them at times. Looking forward to ticking off my goals going forward and getting more sleep!
Thank you - to all those who have supported and inspired me during this journey. I am now inspiring others and that is an added bonus and truly humbling, seriously if I could do it, anyone can!
I will have to go look up what I had put as a 30 kg reward... possibly nothing as I would've thought that was a long way down the track at the time. My goal for this 12wbt is to get under 80 kgs - then I'll only have 15 kgs until goal. Seems pretty achievable now.
I have some things to work on - particularly getting to be early, seems to be a bit of a challenge for me and just getting on with my workouts, I don't skip them but I do still procrastinate them at times. Looking forward to ticking off my goals going forward and getting more sleep!
Thank you - to all those who have supported and inspired me during this journey. I am now inspiring others and that is an added bonus and truly humbling, seriously if I could do it, anyone can!
Sunday 12 May 2013
Mothers Day
This mother's day there were no chocolates, no big breakfasts or decadent desserts. After two coffees (I think hubby made them with full-cream milk!) and porridge, we packed up the picnic basket and headed off for a bbq lunch - I did eat a sausage sandwich in addition to my bbq chicken wrap and I have to admit I had a little bit extra with my dinner (12wbt beef fajitas). There were no "treats" during the day, last night I had gone out for dinner with some girlfriends and had two glasses of wine, so treats are well taken care of this week.
It is difficult when so much of life revolves around food - good food, mostly but also a lot of crap food. Birthday cakes, chocolates, lunches, breakfast, cocktail parties. Luckily working with two young children means next to no time left for a social life but it can be a challenge. The expectation that you will have a few wines at dinner, especially for your own birthday - the "come on, you deserve it, you work so hard", type comments.
I think a lot of it stems from your history with someone. I was away last week working, no history with any of these people - so no comments on my "healthy lunch" or dinner choices etc. In fact one of the things I have learnt is that no one really cares if you turn down a slice of birthday cake - it isn't obligatory, despite me having used that excuse for a long time.
This is my new history - mothers day is about spending time with my family, not about what I eat, what I get given and certainly not about having the day off (who has the time??). I have packed my little haul of handprints and footprints and homemade cards to take to work. I have also done a couple of loads of washing, put them away, cooked dinner (and lunch), packed lunches and bags, put washing away, done some mending, washed children, washed dishes, paid some bills, put a pile of papers away and soon to move onto ironing, online shopping and paying a few more bills - then I will lay out my running clothes and go to sleep and hit the week running! I am a mother but this mother's health is top priority in our busy family these days.
Happy Mother's Day to all those mothers out there - I hope you had a wonderful one.
It is difficult when so much of life revolves around food - good food, mostly but also a lot of crap food. Birthday cakes, chocolates, lunches, breakfast, cocktail parties. Luckily working with two young children means next to no time left for a social life but it can be a challenge. The expectation that you will have a few wines at dinner, especially for your own birthday - the "come on, you deserve it, you work so hard", type comments.
I think a lot of it stems from your history with someone. I was away last week working, no history with any of these people - so no comments on my "healthy lunch" or dinner choices etc. In fact one of the things I have learnt is that no one really cares if you turn down a slice of birthday cake - it isn't obligatory, despite me having used that excuse for a long time.
This is my new history - mothers day is about spending time with my family, not about what I eat, what I get given and certainly not about having the day off (who has the time??). I have packed my little haul of handprints and footprints and homemade cards to take to work. I have also done a couple of loads of washing, put them away, cooked dinner (and lunch), packed lunches and bags, put washing away, done some mending, washed children, washed dishes, paid some bills, put a pile of papers away and soon to move onto ironing, online shopping and paying a few more bills - then I will lay out my running clothes and go to sleep and hit the week running! I am a mother but this mother's health is top priority in our busy family these days.
Happy Mother's Day to all those mothers out there - I hope you had a wonderful one.
Saturday 4 May 2013
Another 12 weeks and
A few achievements and a few lessons learnt (I hope!)
- Weight loss 4.6 kgs - up and down, best loss was 3.5 kgs in the one week, when I followed the program without a single bite over and did all my exercise... fancy that the program worked
- Learning to stop mindless eating - chewing gum when struggling has really helped
- Cutting down the milk in my coffee to a long black with a dash
- Going to bed a lot earlier most of the time
- Running 4 kms in under 30 mins
- Cms lost...34 cms - woah! Obviously swapped some fat for muscle.
- Time trial - must do!
- I don't lose weight if I don't track - obviously tracking in my head doesn't work, weeks I track I lose, fancy that!
- For me abstaining is key, I am still an all or nothing girl, but nothing tastes as good as skinny feels so I am ok with that, I don't feel deprived in fact I just feel like crap after eating crap
- Hubby is on board with not eating crap around me, I guess it is like drinking around a recovering alcoholic, not a necessary test of will power.
- I need to remain focused, having lost X amount of kgs does not make me an expert on what I am doing, things will change and challenges will need to be overcome
- I need to work on social settings - leaving half a plate of food is not easy for me.
- I had to put back some size 14s and buy a 12... first time in maybe 10 years?
- I stopped chickening out on some of the tougher workouts and really pushed myself at the gym
Saturday 20 April 2013
Impressions vs the Truth
Ok, so I thought this morning, it's been a while since I wrote down anything about my journey - according to my last post it has been 4 months! Probably a good indication of where my head and life has been.
I haven't been doing a lot with my weight loss - another 3 kg over 4 months! Lots of excuses why that has been and some conscious decisions but makes me realise where I could have been if I kept my eye on the end game. I have been pretty conscientious on the exercise front, doing the advance lean and fit program and also running 4 km three times a week - this has certainly had some results - however lost more cms, a total of 44.5 cm which means I have lost over 100 cm and my total loss is 25 kg.
I have been puzzled about why the scales haven't been shifting, I was following the meal plan, exercising well but it would go down one week, up the next and then stay the same. I have plateaued before so I knew something needed to change, last time I needed to eat more, so I thought that might be it but needed to track to determine that for sure. I was annoyed but hadn't quite got my headspace there to work through it and as I said last time I posted I had also hit the "bask in the glory" phase which has tripped me up in the past, I was getting compliments all the time, able to buy nice clothes in a normal shop, do the airplane seatbelt up nice and tight with length left over. Ignoring the voice in my head that said, yes you have done well but that isn't the goal is it? To be average weight? To be almost not fat? A little overweight?
I have been sick for a few weeks and unable to exercise, this has taken its toll on me, but as I wasn't exercise I thought I had better go back to tracking, because I wasn't losing weight I thought I had better go back to tracking EVERY SINGLE BITE... It was pretty telling - on a normal day I was probably over about 100 calories for the day, on a day with a slip up that would be more, ok if you are burning 500 calories a day and weigh 100 kg but I don't. I am fitter so I burn under 500 calories most days, about 350 on a toning day. I was running instead of doing gym cardio and burning less because of that. I don't weigh 100 kgs anymore so I would be burning calories. Well you don't need a PhD to figure out that do you? Certainly my brilliant scientific mind was burying its head in the skim milk flat white!
Ok, so four days into really tracking and voila, the scales have shifted - down 2.3 kg in the four days, this might bounce back a little as I tend to find my weight fluctuates over a week. Thankfully I am finally on the mend so I headed off to the gym for the first time in 2.5 weeks and I made sure I burned 500 plus calories. I think I need to shake the exercise up, there is a PT who does private group classes, be good to bring my awesomeness down a peg or two and turn all that ego in to sweat!
And I made a new goal - a nice conceited one with a date on it. I have been selected to do a leadership course with my work, as part of this there is lots of networking and meeting of executives etc. It is 8 weeks ago and I will be 8 kilos lighter by then! That would get me to 84 kg, I will buy nice corporate winter wear in a smaller size and with any luck the impression that I leave will not be anything to do with my weight - i.e. "she's a bigger girl" etc. Then I will set a new goal and run the city to surf in August! I have lots of red flag weeks and trips away over winter but there is really no excuse, I have seen the results of 4 months of "being good" rather than just tracking it good or bad and they aren't going to get me there before the end of this year. I have 25 kg to go and enough weeks left in 2013 to get there!
I have been reflecting on perceptions of yourself and others after seeing the dove commercial on a friend's blog, where women are asked to describe themselves to a sketch artist and then people they met briefly in the waiting room are asked to describe the same women. It is pretty amazing to see how negatively the women view themselves compared to other people and the best part is the other people get much closer to how they look. I think the tag line is "you are more beautiful than you think" Dove's says this about their ad "Women are their own worst beauty critics. Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful. At Dove, we are committed to creating a world where beauty is a source of confidence, not anxiety. So, we decided to conduct a compelling social experiment that explores how women view their own beauty in contrast to what others see."
I haven't been doing a lot with my weight loss - another 3 kg over 4 months! Lots of excuses why that has been and some conscious decisions but makes me realise where I could have been if I kept my eye on the end game. I have been pretty conscientious on the exercise front, doing the advance lean and fit program and also running 4 km three times a week - this has certainly had some results - however lost more cms, a total of 44.5 cm which means I have lost over 100 cm and my total loss is 25 kg.
I have been puzzled about why the scales haven't been shifting, I was following the meal plan, exercising well but it would go down one week, up the next and then stay the same. I have plateaued before so I knew something needed to change, last time I needed to eat more, so I thought that might be it but needed to track to determine that for sure. I was annoyed but hadn't quite got my headspace there to work through it and as I said last time I posted I had also hit the "bask in the glory" phase which has tripped me up in the past, I was getting compliments all the time, able to buy nice clothes in a normal shop, do the airplane seatbelt up nice and tight with length left over. Ignoring the voice in my head that said, yes you have done well but that isn't the goal is it? To be average weight? To be almost not fat? A little overweight?
I have been sick for a few weeks and unable to exercise, this has taken its toll on me, but as I wasn't exercise I thought I had better go back to tracking, because I wasn't losing weight I thought I had better go back to tracking EVERY SINGLE BITE... It was pretty telling - on a normal day I was probably over about 100 calories for the day, on a day with a slip up that would be more, ok if you are burning 500 calories a day and weigh 100 kg but I don't. I am fitter so I burn under 500 calories most days, about 350 on a toning day. I was running instead of doing gym cardio and burning less because of that. I don't weigh 100 kgs anymore so I would be burning calories. Well you don't need a PhD to figure out that do you? Certainly my brilliant scientific mind was burying its head in the skim milk flat white!
Ok, so four days into really tracking and voila, the scales have shifted - down 2.3 kg in the four days, this might bounce back a little as I tend to find my weight fluctuates over a week. Thankfully I am finally on the mend so I headed off to the gym for the first time in 2.5 weeks and I made sure I burned 500 plus calories. I think I need to shake the exercise up, there is a PT who does private group classes, be good to bring my awesomeness down a peg or two and turn all that ego in to sweat!
And I made a new goal - a nice conceited one with a date on it. I have been selected to do a leadership course with my work, as part of this there is lots of networking and meeting of executives etc. It is 8 weeks ago and I will be 8 kilos lighter by then! That would get me to 84 kg, I will buy nice corporate winter wear in a smaller size and with any luck the impression that I leave will not be anything to do with my weight - i.e. "she's a bigger girl" etc. Then I will set a new goal and run the city to surf in August! I have lots of red flag weeks and trips away over winter but there is really no excuse, I have seen the results of 4 months of "being good" rather than just tracking it good or bad and they aren't going to get me there before the end of this year. I have 25 kg to go and enough weeks left in 2013 to get there!
I have been reflecting on perceptions of yourself and others after seeing the dove commercial on a friend's blog, where women are asked to describe themselves to a sketch artist and then people they met briefly in the waiting room are asked to describe the same women. It is pretty amazing to see how negatively the women view themselves compared to other people and the best part is the other people get much closer to how they look. I think the tag line is "you are more beautiful than you think" Dove's says this about their ad "Women are their own worst beauty critics. Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful. At Dove, we are committed to creating a world where beauty is a source of confidence, not anxiety. So, we decided to conduct a compelling social experiment that explores how women view their own beauty in contrast to what others see."
Thursday 13 December 2012
Changes
I'm so tired but something has changed - tonight I decided to "treat" myself with a burger and chips from room service on a work trip, I reasoned that I could have the day off my diet and it would be ok. But sitting there with the menu the only things that were remotely appealing were the healthy options, eventually after losing the inner talk battle - I ordered grilled fish, tomatoes and steam vegies! Amazing!
I walked from the airport to the hotel despite being so tired, before it would have never occurred to me to walk the 20 mins at all. I checked my measurements a few weeks ago - 65 cms lost, 22 kgs and 8 dress sizes, I am getting used to only getting a month or two out of a pair of pants, not because I get bigger but smaller. I am getting gasps from those that haven't seen me for a long time. There have been a lot of changes.
Usually about this stage of weight loss, I pat myself on the back, bask in the compliments am excited about being a size 14 again and relax, allow myself some treats and slowly slip into bad habits - this time I think I have really changed. I am proud of my achievements but know that it is not time to rest of my laurels, in fact there will be never be a time. I am a ex-smoker and know that I will never have another cigarette and an ex-emotional eater - I still have my weaker moments but on the whole I make unconscious healthy choices and exercise moderation in all things except exercise.
It is the silly season but I am still focused on the goal, the changes are good and I think they just might be here to stay.
I walked from the airport to the hotel despite being so tired, before it would have never occurred to me to walk the 20 mins at all. I checked my measurements a few weeks ago - 65 cms lost, 22 kgs and 8 dress sizes, I am getting used to only getting a month or two out of a pair of pants, not because I get bigger but smaller. I am getting gasps from those that haven't seen me for a long time. There have been a lot of changes.
Usually about this stage of weight loss, I pat myself on the back, bask in the compliments am excited about being a size 14 again and relax, allow myself some treats and slowly slip into bad habits - this time I think I have really changed. I am proud of my achievements but know that it is not time to rest of my laurels, in fact there will be never be a time. I am a ex-smoker and know that I will never have another cigarette and an ex-emotional eater - I still have my weaker moments but on the whole I make unconscious healthy choices and exercise moderation in all things except exercise.
It is the silly season but I am still focused on the goal, the changes are good and I think they just might be here to stay.
Saturday 10 November 2012
Food, food, food
Food, food, food - that is all that I am thinking about at the moment and most "spare" moments are spent cooking. Which is not great for losing weight as I am a terrible taster and tester type of cook.
But the food isn't for me, it is for Miss One who has some food issues - we are in the process of working out what with exactly which has her on a strict elimination diet, low chemical, no additives or preservatives - basically everything is from scratch.
If you had asked me 6 months ago did I cook from scratch I would have said yes. But I didn't, not by a long shot, I bought stock, sauces, bread crumbs, pastry etc and then cooked from there. Now I am making everything, bar flour, pasta and bread. I don't have a food processor! All food is labelled with either a green sticker (ok for Miss One) all a red sticker (obvious).
The other part of the diet is that we then feed her copious quantities in foods rich in a particular chemical that might be causing her reactions, so there are now three types of foods - green, red and yellow (challenge only foods) - because DH struggles as all do with listening completely or picking up the information and assimilating it himself.
This week is chocolate, bananas, pork and tuna in copious quantities - so chocolate biscuits, choc-chip muffins, banana bread, pork mince meatballs and tuna mornay are on the menu... any of them diet friendly... NO!
I haven't lost weight for about a month - I have been away and busy but mostly I think I am over confident and not tracking what I eat. I am keeping a meticulous diary of every bite Miss One eats but not myself - I ate lunch at 4.30 the other day - I haven't done something that silly for a long time, I was busy, I had been flat out making stocks, sauces, meals x 3 (me, Miss One and DH and Miss Three) but broken my rule that eating was important and to take 15 minutes for a proper lunch to prevent the before dinner munchie madness.
I "think" I am doing ok with food but I suspect that if I was honest I am letting a bit creep back in. I seem to do this after getting past a milestone - tread water for a month or two, I'm not sure why, something to work through I guess but nothing leaping out right now, the self-discipline seems to wane until at some point I kick my butt back into gear.
Exercise wise I was so committed, even when I went away from work I went out in the freezing cold for a run, but then the conference got busy and I wasn't getting any sleep (I was trying!) so I let the last few days slip, then I had to get the house back on track after being away, do our tax, go away to Sydney - can you hear the excuses - I can't believe how quickly they can creep back in! Suddenly three weeks had gone by and I had exercised max three times/week compared with 6 the previous couple of months. Whilst that is probably ok, it is the fact that I made excuses for not going, whereas before I would not accept any excuses. So back to it this week, no excuses and I feel better for it.
I am so much stronger than when I started the 12WBT, I carried an eski full of meat with ease, I have little "guns" and my core is finally strengthening back up. I have noticed that I just tend to eat less of a meal, whereas I would have cleaned my plate before or gone back for seconds of something really yummy, but I am satisfied with a moderate amount now. The most important thing for me is to be organised and put preparing my food and eating it as a priority to prevent me getting ravenous and making poor choices because they are quicker and easier. I've signed up for the next round over Christmas, the journey is still a long way ahead but every step will get me closer.
But the food isn't for me, it is for Miss One who has some food issues - we are in the process of working out what with exactly which has her on a strict elimination diet, low chemical, no additives or preservatives - basically everything is from scratch.
If you had asked me 6 months ago did I cook from scratch I would have said yes. But I didn't, not by a long shot, I bought stock, sauces, bread crumbs, pastry etc and then cooked from there. Now I am making everything, bar flour, pasta and bread. I don't have a food processor! All food is labelled with either a green sticker (ok for Miss One) all a red sticker (obvious).
The other part of the diet is that we then feed her copious quantities in foods rich in a particular chemical that might be causing her reactions, so there are now three types of foods - green, red and yellow (challenge only foods) - because DH struggles as all do with listening completely or picking up the information and assimilating it himself.
This week is chocolate, bananas, pork and tuna in copious quantities - so chocolate biscuits, choc-chip muffins, banana bread, pork mince meatballs and tuna mornay are on the menu... any of them diet friendly... NO!
I haven't lost weight for about a month - I have been away and busy but mostly I think I am over confident and not tracking what I eat. I am keeping a meticulous diary of every bite Miss One eats but not myself - I ate lunch at 4.30 the other day - I haven't done something that silly for a long time, I was busy, I had been flat out making stocks, sauces, meals x 3 (me, Miss One and DH and Miss Three) but broken my rule that eating was important and to take 15 minutes for a proper lunch to prevent the before dinner munchie madness.
I "think" I am doing ok with food but I suspect that if I was honest I am letting a bit creep back in. I seem to do this after getting past a milestone - tread water for a month or two, I'm not sure why, something to work through I guess but nothing leaping out right now, the self-discipline seems to wane until at some point I kick my butt back into gear.
Exercise wise I was so committed, even when I went away from work I went out in the freezing cold for a run, but then the conference got busy and I wasn't getting any sleep (I was trying!) so I let the last few days slip, then I had to get the house back on track after being away, do our tax, go away to Sydney - can you hear the excuses - I can't believe how quickly they can creep back in! Suddenly three weeks had gone by and I had exercised max three times/week compared with 6 the previous couple of months. Whilst that is probably ok, it is the fact that I made excuses for not going, whereas before I would not accept any excuses. So back to it this week, no excuses and I feel better for it.
I am so much stronger than when I started the 12WBT, I carried an eski full of meat with ease, I have little "guns" and my core is finally strengthening back up. I have noticed that I just tend to eat less of a meal, whereas I would have cleaned my plate before or gone back for seconds of something really yummy, but I am satisfied with a moderate amount now. The most important thing for me is to be organised and put preparing my food and eating it as a priority to prevent me getting ravenous and making poor choices because they are quicker and easier. I've signed up for the next round over Christmas, the journey is still a long way ahead but every step will get me closer.
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