The inner battle - is it ever won?

3 kgs down this round and I am really proud - there has been the odd slip up but really only the 4 days away last week that I let the inner voice convince me to eat extra.

I was at a workshop that went for 2 full days and was all at the hotel I stayed in. The first day was fine, flew down chose a healthy meal at the airport for lunch and at an Italian restaurant chose the only healthy thing on the menu - grilled octopus and caprese salad. The next morning after a run in the freezing cold Canberra weather, at the all you can eat breakfast buffet I ordered a custom made vegetarian omelette and had with a macchiato and one slice of whole grain bread. Morning tea, nothing healthy on offer, had a cup of tea. Lunch I had a wrap - probably not that healthy but portion controlled it. Afternoon tea I think I skipped again.  Then dinner... I was starving, it was at 7 pm an hr after I normally eat.. and Italian again, but this time it was a platter arrangement, I started off ok but with little in the way of vegies on offer I definitely overate - not uncomfortably but ate another piece of steak which I knew was well over my 300 calorie limit! Two glasses of wine I enjoyed and I chose them without giving in.

I think it is whether or not it is your choice or you give in to those inner voices telling you to have some more, go on you deserve it, you have been working so hard... its a slippery slope, breakfast the next day was not terrible but not as healthy a choice, I was tired and didn't want to wait around for the omelette so grab some baked beans, scrambled eggs and then because it was there some bacon. Then morning tea I was starving so had a scone with cream and jam, lunch went back for a third mini baguette and then had two melting moments for dinner. Dinner then after a late flight was about 9 pm - I chose my dinner reasonably well given the menu, grilled chicken and veggies, but didn't get them to hold the mash, then for some inexplicable reason I ordered a cheesecake?? What the? I don't ever get dessert - I put it down to a few things - one, no healthy snacks, usually I would have something in my handbag so that I can eat the right thing even if nothing healthy is on offer; two, not enough water over the 4 days away and being in constant heating was dehydrated and this transferred in my mind to hunger; three, once you start eating sugary crap you crave it!

So that lesson learnt, I am forewarned for next time - get thee to a corner shop somewhere and get some fruit and some rice cakes or something! Make sure I drink plenty of water! And somehow try to get some sleep in the motel room!

Back home, back on the plan and all is well, lost 0.5 kg since Friday and didn't put on anything in the 4 days that I was away so having the rest of the fortnight focused on the plan obviously balanced it out. But still the battle is ever present, I have been doing this a long long time and tonight had an argument with myself as to whether I be a bit weird and take a packed lunch to the trade show I am going to tomorrow or just "choose something healthy", proudly unfocussed me won this battle - weird but on track wins the day as last week's escapades show the perils of convincing yourself that you can "choose something healthy" all the time.

But has me wondering - will the battle ever be won, will it really become second nature to choose well or will it always be a conscious decision, having to battle it out with myself constantly about this verse that every meal/snack time. Maybe it will, I gave up smoking almost 5 yrs ago and never have the slightest desire to smoke again. I hope so, I am happiest when I eat healthy but the mind struggle is pretty tiring over such a long time.

2.6 kg off my goal of 84 kg by 17 June. Two at home weeks and one red flag week - 1 kg a week definitely doable, just need to apply the lessons from the last trip and keep focused!